After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
