It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
