Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
