I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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