there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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