take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
