chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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