How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
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