I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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