it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
