69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
My penis needs a shock collar
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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