She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
