tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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