all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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