FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
