Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Michael Bay diarrhea
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
