Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
