my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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