but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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