I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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