I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
