oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
