you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
