you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
