wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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