Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
