I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
