You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
how does that bad decision feel?
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