One girl and one boy is just not enough.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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