my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
