dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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