got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
