I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
