I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
