this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
