Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize