At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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