My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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