can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You may now shotgun with the bride
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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