yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
