Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
