Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
and she was petting her beer can
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
