she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
