His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
