All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
