Nicole vs. Life
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
