she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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