she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
