carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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