Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
