Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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