I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Girls should come with a carfax report
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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