His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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