Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
