I wish they made helmets for livers.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
i need to put some appletini on your dick
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
