Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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