So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
