I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
