Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I wish there were birth control emojis
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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