Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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