apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
