WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
