my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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