you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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