last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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