My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
