Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
