saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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