Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
